The Secret Life Of A Flight Attendant: Lessons learned at 31,000 feet

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted so I thought I would give you all an update….

I haven’t really had time to keep my blog up to date and when I do have time I am just too tired. I have been working a lot and have had tons of crazy new experiences. People never cease to amaze me….

So my trips have been a blur so I can’t really go into details, but this is what I’ve learned in the past month…

When the airplane is going back to the gate due to a mechanical problem with the air conditioner there is no way to answer “Why can’t we just open a window?” with a straight face.
Your crew can really set the tone for what kind of mood you’ll be in for the next 2-5 days.
If you piss off crew scheduling you’ll find a 6 leg a day trip in the near future.
Never, ever, EVER call fatigue, even if you can’t walk…. It will come back to bite you in the ass.
In-Flight management must have already forgotten how challenging this job can be on the body, heart, and soul of us reserves.
That airsick bags are my new “duct tape”… 1,001 uses and counting!
That you can make grilled cheese sandwiches on a plane…
What crew juice is, the different names for it, as well as several recipes.
That our website gives carry on dimensions that are seriously too large for our overhead bins…
That gate checking bags can nearly cause a riot.
How to spot an over sized carry on across the room.
Truth or Dare is more fun at 31,000 feet
That oxygen bars are god’s solution to hangovers.
That it is always the little old women who know that they can’t lift their bags that pack the heaviest.
That there is no such thing as non-run hosiery.
Why some flight attendants wear thigh-highs
That UMs are worse than screaming babies.
That even UMs can find love on an airplane.
That business cards are a must because cocktail napkins are easy to loose.
That gate agents have feelings too.
That gate agents will put a non-ambulatory, blind, man who doesn’t speak a word of English on last and then try to close the door before we can even figure out how we are supposed to brief him.
That Seal-A-Meal I bought is the best $45 I’ll ever spend.
That you can heat Seal-A-Meal bags inside an airsick bag full of hot water and actually eat a hot meal on the plane.
That the ice packs that are used for injuries are better than the blue ice because you can refill them on the plane, the airport, and at the hotel… no freezing required!
That the view from the flight deck is breathtaking.
That even though the aft lav on a 717 says Push on the door people will still pull out the ashtray thinking it is a doorknob.
That the forward lav attracts everyone from row 1 -31
That the aft lavs are typically cleaner due to last lesson learned.
That it is possible for a crew to deplane a full flight only to find out as I preflight that they were missing a slide. (no joke)
That you should never tell a 5 month pregnant woman that her flight has been cancelled unless you plan on calling security.
That even though the wing flap is broken… we are good to go :-/
That layover hotels do not like skinny dippers!

As you can tell I’ve been busy learning some of life’s best lessons in the past month. I am happy to report that I will be transferring to the Tampa base starting July 1st. So hopefully I’ll have more time to keep up.